Talking v. Not-Talking
Watching friends' relationships evolve can be strange; watching your own relationships evolve can be painful.
When you and a close friend grow apart due to one party dating someone, should you just let go? Talking about the "State of the Relationship" is pretty normal for me when I'm dating someone, but I'm beginning to think that the State of the Relationship talk should not happen within the context of friendship. Since friendships wax and wane, perhaps they should just be allowed to do so. I have hard time letting people go, however, especially when I've been close with them in the past.
Of course it all depends on the person -- some friendships are easily discussed, some friendships get shakier the more discussion. But if it's discuss v. slowly drift apart, which is worse?
Is it worse to talk to the person about the distance; to clear the air and recognize that things have changed? Friend-breakups are weird (I've had two). The first was a clean break - she didn't want to be friends anymore, more for reasons in her head than for problems with the friendship, and that was it. We are cordial now, and it is nice. In the second, the friend broke up with me for reasons based on false assumptions, which I called him out on, and he rescinded the break up talk. But we drifted apart anyway, no longer get lunch ever, or even say hi when we run into each other.
Both of these involved some degree of direct conflict. If a close friend is simply preoccupied with a new lover, do you just let him or her go? Do you wait for things to settle down, give the lovers time to get acclimated to couplehood, and then try again? If the friendship is that secondary to the new relationship, is it worth continuing?
Is it worth fighting for? Fighting over? When do you give up?
When you and a close friend grow apart due to one party dating someone, should you just let go? Talking about the "State of the Relationship" is pretty normal for me when I'm dating someone, but I'm beginning to think that the State of the Relationship talk should not happen within the context of friendship. Since friendships wax and wane, perhaps they should just be allowed to do so. I have hard time letting people go, however, especially when I've been close with them in the past.
Of course it all depends on the person -- some friendships are easily discussed, some friendships get shakier the more discussion. But if it's discuss v. slowly drift apart, which is worse?
Is it worse to talk to the person about the distance; to clear the air and recognize that things have changed? Friend-breakups are weird (I've had two). The first was a clean break - she didn't want to be friends anymore, more for reasons in her head than for problems with the friendship, and that was it. We are cordial now, and it is nice. In the second, the friend broke up with me for reasons based on false assumptions, which I called him out on, and he rescinded the break up talk. But we drifted apart anyway, no longer get lunch ever, or even say hi when we run into each other.
Both of these involved some degree of direct conflict. If a close friend is simply preoccupied with a new lover, do you just let him or her go? Do you wait for things to settle down, give the lovers time to get acclimated to couplehood, and then try again? If the friendship is that secondary to the new relationship, is it worth continuing?
Is it worth fighting for? Fighting over? When do you give up?
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