ready to get settled

I'm ready to get settled somewhere, get my things in order, have some place where I pay money to live there and thus can afford to bring out the silkscreens and the blankets and the CATS and the things that are not necessary to existence but are so nice.

I feel very angsty. (Turns out angsty's not a word, at least according to blogger's spell-checking monkeys.) I love rhythm (or pulse, if you're talking to an alive composer) and gain much of my sanity through routine and then the occasional break in routine. But when I have no routine whatsoever, there is nothing to break. I also have this failed non-friendship that I left in Ohio that I feel haunted by—via the internet, not my brain, and not by this person's choice/conscious actions—and somehow I need to either accept this failure and not react to this person, or stop using the internet entirely. Oh, acceptance. What a bitch.

All angst aside, I am truly invested in Infinite Jest this time around. I have not yet caught up to the Infinite Summer schedule, and have not actually been reading any of the discussions on that page, but my copious free time and being 200+ pages into the book lead me to think I'm really doing it. I'm probably going to have to read it again, too, since there's so much going on and I tend to be such a plot/narrative-minded person that I miss aspects of texture that are beautiful and subtle and should be appreciated. I am also trying to get all of my friends to read DFWs nonfiction essays. I should probably buy a copy of Consider the Lobster and A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again and have my own small lending library of 2 books to push on friends who I wish would read IJ but clearly now isn't the right time.

Being unemployed and living with people who don't love doing dishes really gives me the sense that I'll make a good homemaker someday. Although the lack of screaming children probably gives me a false sense of homemaking-peace.